Monday, November 19, 2012

Things Change (and change)

I was eating dinner with H.  And I had just finished explaining why there was no way in hell his suggestion for something I might do with a friend would fly.  I had told him all about her and what she will and will not do.  (Geez, this is sounding like a sexual something, but it wasn't so interesting, sorry!)

He just sat there calmly, Things change.

"Unh-unh, no way.  This won't."

Things change.  And then he went on:

You know how I know that things change?  Because you are sitting across from me right now.  You with your rules about men who are more than 10 years older and who have kids and all of that.  Well?  Why are you here then?

Because things change.

Why am I with H?  Is it because he is such a hunky Italian god?  (He was even characterized as Gaston in a comment on this gal's post.)  No, it is not that.  He is a hunky Italian god, but I assume everyone knows that looks are very subjective and can distinctly alter based on personality and common interests.

Am I with him because I decided to ignore my own rules and chase after this man when no others were around?  (Okay, I won't even answer that one because it just makes me snort.)

I am with H because he courted me.  He courted me so smoothly, I didn't even know that it was happening until I literally turned around one day and fell into his waiting arms.  He patiently worked my many rules and all the ways that I got into my head about men until he was on the inside.  And then I was his forever.

Just like writing a letter or a thank you note in cursive, courting is a lost art.  There is a Sex and the City episode where Carrie is being courted by the Russian and it is so far out of her comfort zone that it causes her to swoon.  I get that.  Courting is not the only lost art; being courted is also an expectation we have lost.

I think H is currently courting the sweet submissive girl that we both know exists inside me.  He is doing it carefully to preserve the smart mouthy woman that he loves.

But that smart mouthy woman finds it oh so aggravating to realize that she has been worked over for literally years to end up exactly where he wants her.  And it is even more aggravating to realize that your rules (made for survival purposes really) were bullshit; your choices in men were wrong; and he was right all along.

And what really gets to me is the realization that while He is working on mastering His domination of me, I know that you will never see him writing a post about how my submission is not perfect for him. And how I am doing it wrong and how it is nothing like he imagined.

So I continue to struggle and fight and get all up in my head about how I think it needs to be for me. And H just keeps coming along. One step at a time down a path with a goal in mind. And the fact that his goals and his courting efforts still include me, well, that makes me a pretty lucky girl, who should know better by now.

You may have noticed that I am calling him H again.  As I commented in an earlier post, I started calling him Master right when some very Daddy like things were happening.  I was scared of Daddy.  (I am scared of it.)  I didn't want it to have the effect it had.  And yes, I reacted very actively by naming him the opposite.  By calling him Master.

Master is okay and it has a place in our dynamic, but in this case, I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  So I am stopping.  Unless it is appropriate to the moment I am describing. 

I have learned how to admit that I am sometimes wrong.  I also have learned that sometimes, you just need a hunky Italian god that is willing to do a little bit of courting.


  1. Well, leave the courting to the Italians.
    Whenever we go there, I practically have to drag Lisa back over the border.

  2. Kitty,

    I am smiling as I read this. You are both very lucky.

    Your post brings back fond memories of how I courted my wife. Yes. Italians are smooth and usually good cooks as well.


    1. joye, you know he is a good cook. And smooth - I am glad you were smiling when you read this; I was smiling when I wrote it. :)

  3. And it is even more aggravating to realize that your rules (made for survival purposes really) were bullshit; your choices in men were wrong; and he was right all along.

    --- oh yeah!!

    1. Yep, totally agree with Fondles on that right there!

      Absolutely infuriating and all for our damn good. ;-)

    2. Right?!?!?!

      Aggravating, but glad that I found a way out of that mess that I could be.

  4. My hubby does it, too. I tell him he'll never get what he's asking for.

    "I always get what I want," he reminds me.

    And he's right. It's just a matter of gentle persuasion and persistence. In a weird way, I enjoy presenting him with a challenge and watching him rise to it. ;)

    1. "I enjoy presenting him with a challenge..." LOL. We don't do it on purpose! Do we??? :)

  5. You are right the art of courting is a lost art. Beautiful and wonderful but mostly gone in this hurry-up age.

    1. It is true that it is lost, and it is so effective and worthwhile too. Too bad for the rest of them, eh?

  6. They must both own the Italian Hunky God playbook- because my Master is the same way. By the time I knew what was happening, it was too late- I was his forever and he knew it.
    Even today - some of the things he says, the way he says it - As I tell him (frequently) he does NOTHING by accident. It just isn't how he is wired. He just smiles and nods.

    Great Post!


    1. Nods.

      Yes, ma'am. Exactly right. Aggravating and delightful, all at the same time. :)

  7. The more things change, the more things stay the same?

    So what H is saying is - everything changes but him? Does that even work? He is the implacable (hunky, Italian) stone god and all things eventually adapt to him?

    I suppose it could work. :)

    1. I specifically showed him this comment, because yes, that is exactly how he thinks. His reply? "I started listening to Christmas music today. Three days before Thanksgiving. So, see? I can change."

      Yep. That is about the extent of it.

    2. I want to "like" this so badly, so I will just leave this here, :) with an amused smile.

  8. Oh my gosh Kitty J courted me to ... took me out on dates until it was me asking to be owned ;)

    Lovely post


  9. I love your introspection -- you truly lead an examined life, and that makes you very special.

    1. There is something out there about the examined life. Wait! I will google it.


      “Plato says that the unexamined life is not worth living. But what if the examined life turns out to be a clunker as well?”
      ― Kurt Vonnegut

      Ha - well, that wasn't what I was expecting, but it made me smile.

      Thanks for making me sound special. It isn't like that - I really can't turn this brain off and I am so glad that you all stop by and share the musings with me. :)

  10. Courting is indeed a lost art. I'm happy for you that you found someone who can do it well, and still continues it after you fell for/into him.

    I think Mrs. AP and I courted each other, albeit mostly digitally considering the distance between us at the time. I'd say it's worked out ... rather well. ^_^

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  11. ahhhh courting... on paper, Husband didn't court me. I was 18, he was 19, we snogged after the pub one night, slept together a few days later and that was it. And we were both broke.

    In reality? He wrote me letters and notes, cooked me meals, bought me my favourite chocolate, bought me flowers (when he could) on funny little anniversaries, we had a specific spot on the way from the pub to his house where he always stopped and kissed me...

    oh yes. hook line and sinker!

  12. ps. and he still courts me I should add. In all sorts of little ways... Making me a hot chocolate that tastes better than anything I could ever make myself, for example!

    1. It sounds like he was courting you to me. Last I looked, age wasn't a factor in courting. Is it? :)

      You guys sound kind of adorable. Thanks for sharing your story.


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