Wednesday, October 1, 2014

His and Hers Room 101

tori has invited us to Return to Room 101The point of room 101, in case you didnt know, is from  [George Orwell's book 1984], its a room where ones worst nightmare is kept, the concept of this was turned into a tv programme where people can choose 3 things to put into room 101 to be banished.

She would like us to return there, BDSM style.  Well, my first comment was that I have nothing I hate so much as to banish it forever, but upon reflection, I decided that can't be true.  For one thing, there has been more than one version of the contract, so I must have pushed for some changes.  At some point.  For some reason.  Those must be my room 101 items.

So, I took the question to H - what belongs in Room 101?  And he came up with one right away, no hesitation:

The cock ring.  Nothing ever hurt so bad.

"Honey, I think this is supposed to be about me.  Not you."

Put it in the room!

Okay... so, cock rings are banished forever.

His next idea was the large butt plug.  However, after discussion, he grudgingly agreed with me that just because it didn't work doesn't mean it is banished forever.  We just weren't there yet.  In fact, after that discussion, we were compelled to go find out what does fit in that area and it turns out that we can fit in a few fingers and then after that, a very large cock.  So far.  :)

Anyway, the large butt plug is banished for now, but certainly not forever.  Is there a Room 99???

I guess my second item would be the never crossing my legs rule.  That one is hard to do and frankly, I don't do it.  I haven't done it in a long time, but randomly, I still think about it all the time.  I wonder if I should uncross my legs when I am around H.  Not only was it surprisingly difficult to sit around with your legs open, it all seemed too silly to me.  Also, that is a really big departure from being a lady, in my mind.

(For those who don't remember/know, the rule is this:  Slave shall neither close nor cross her legs in Master's presence.  Slave's legs shall be spread so that no part of the legs touch each other but may be commanded to increase of decrease this as desired by Master.) 

As a side note, H really likes this rule, so I hesitated a bit before bringing it up.  Especially since I rebelliously disregard it at all times.

For our third item, both H and I agree on this one:  No bathroom related humiliation.  We are not the farting family or the couple who leaves the door open in the morning.  H did suggest that we should explore this more, if I really really want to be humiliated.  While I agree that this would be humiliating, I ventured that, knowing him, he would not enjoy it.  Actually, I think he would hate it.  And isn't the point for someone, not necessarily me, to get something from the activity?  So, we are both throwing this in the room.  As far as I know.

So that's three.  It took both of us quite a while (with a small sex break) to come up with three things that are banished presumably forever, but we did it.

And now back to our regularly scheduled post-anal coital nap.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Perfect Dom Fantasy

What I am about to say is probably one of the most important things I can think to say.  I have said it before and I will likely say it again:  Not all fantasies should become realities.

Every person has a fantasy of perfection in their head.  The perfect boyfriend or girlfriend.  The perfect child or parent.  The perfect submissive or Dominant.

I fantasize about a version of H that he will never be.  But that doesn't mean I don't love the man/Dom that he is... It is just that I have a certain picture of the perfect Dominant.

That person is an objectifier - isolating body parts for His own pleasure without really seeing the person there.  He thinks of his slave as a collection of holes to do with as he pleases and he will bind and gag whatever parts are keeping him from this goal.

That person humiliates - using language that is coarse and demeaning.  Exclaiming that his submissive is a slut or a repository for his cum.  He places her in situations and positions designed to shame and embarrass her.  And he leaves her there for as long as he wishes.

That person is a sadist - inflicting physical pain because he can.  Using a new implement because it is purple or for some other nonsensical reason so no one can devise a method to the madness.  Even when causing one particular prolonged painful event, he will randomly do something else just to pile it on.

Objectification.  Humiliation.  Sadism.  Those are my big three.  These are the things I fantasize about and these are the things that H gives me in small doses, but nowhere near the lengths that I know exist.  These are also just one side to my fantasy of a perfect Dominant.  I would call it the "dark" side.  There is also a "light" side.  And H does give me all of those.  In spades.


I can only guess that since I have those for real, I don't need to fantasize about them.  But I would be amiss if I didn't recognize and appreciate them.

And you know what?  If H was all about the dark side of my "perfect Dom fantasy", I don't know that he would be the man I love and wish to submit to... because well, I really couldn't handle it.  Certainly not for an extended period of time.  Definitely not at this point in my life. 

But the extreme fantasy and even my expressions of it are helpful in keeping us moving forward.  Even if we are never that, we do continue to try things we might not have conceived in the past because that version is out there.  Pulling us forward.  And his exemplification of the light side is helping to keep us centered and sane.

So I will keep pushing for way too much dark and H will keep pulling me to the light and I imagine things will progress in all the areas.  I may very clearly fantasize about something different in my perfect Dom fantasy, but at the same time, right now, I can also be satisfied with the man that is my "perfect Dom reality".

Because not all fantasies should become realities.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Right in the A** Update

I had a comment from The Wife on my post Right in the A** recently... this post is often featured in the Top Ten most read posts - in fact, according to Blogger's completely unreliable statistics, it is the seventh most popular post ever.  I see it come up on the list, but I hadn't read it in a long, long time.  I actually forgot what it was about...  I thought it was a sexcapade featuring anal sex.  I assumed that's why everyone was clicking on it.  And maybe they are.

Well, it's not a sexcapade.  Not at all.  I was kind of shocked.

It is actually a discussion on why H wasn't fulfilling certain things related to anal sex.  Some of it was my unrealistic expectations on him and some of it was that I was not always good to go.  I would get tense or just couldn't take it.  I read that blog and I had several thoughts:

1 - I sound kind of whiney.  In retrospect, I can feel fondly about the craziness of a newly minted sub and the expectations she puts on her dominant, but with the evidence staring me right in the face, I think wow.  That is not the way it is now.  Thank God.

2 - I now realize that some people may be clicking on this not for the potential sex scene but to find out more about how to go about having anal sex.

3 - My commenters gave very good advice on how to prepare for a smoother anal sex experience, which I will include below for your information.  I can personally attest that all of those work.

And I can attest to it because of my final thought - we don't have a problem having anal sex anymore.  We have it all the time.  I still might tense a little bit at the beginning, but not really.  H is using lube and he is approaching it slowly after a fair amount of warming up and fingering (see the advice below) but that is not the only reason.   As clear as can be, I was struck with the reason that this problem was "fixed" for me and H.

I submitted to him in this thing.  My submission happened over a period of time and I was able to find a few key moments that pinpointed it.  The great thing is that I wrote them down and the other great thing is that when I wrote them, I didn't know that I was having a catalyst experience to leaving all my ass problems behind.  But in retrospect, it all makes sense.

First there was Hair Pulling from October 2012

We were tumbling about in bed.  He was working my ass with his finger while I was sucking his cock... I was deeply into him right at that moment, but a part of me was getting a bit tense. I could tell that he wanted to get in back there.  You know - the ass.

This time as he nudged his cock into my back side, I said, "I'm nervous.  Can you get more lube?"

As he slid most of the way in, I tensed and said, "Hold on, I need a minute to adjust."

And then he pulled my hair.

And that was it, I was done with tense and I was done with nervous, he was in and we were going.

The really great thing about all of that is that he wanted to be in my ass and so he was.

And then there was Mine! from November 2012

I am going to fuck your ass tonight.  I am going to fuck it with this big hard cock.  Do you want Daddy to fuck that ass tonight?

"Ye -eh -es."  I breathed it out. 

Ask me.

"Ask?"  I looked up confused and met his confirming nod.

I sighed it out, "Oh sir, will you please fuck my ass?"

Turn over right now, little girl.

He turned me over.  My fuddled mind noticed that he did not add anymore lube and I started to tense just a bit.  Telling yourself to relax is a little like saying don't look down.  The first thing you are going to do is the opposite.

He nudged that cock right up against the back porch and was met with a bit of resistance.

Let me in...  <--- this was a bit of a growl.

I relaxed just a bit.  Not enough.

Let. Daddy. In.

And he was in.  He grabbed the headboard above my head, leveraged himself above me and fucked me so hard that we both lost our breath.

And that was the end of us having a problem back there. :)

Jake and Julia's advice on a great anal experience:

1) Use a good lube (of course)
2) Warm up with fingers, a plug, or whatever before beginning the real thing
3) Face-down, butt-up is the best position to allow easy entry, and you can change after you get going if you want
4) It helps if you are very relaxed before you begin (from Jake)
5) And me feeling comfortable, as in, I know nobody is going to come walking in, kids are sleeping.... (from Julia)